Quests

[SPOILER WARNING: '''This article contains spoilers for significant moments in the game. Read at your own peril.]'''

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At the start of the game, Goddess Moronia puts the player on a quest to collect 5 of her Goddess Relics and bring them to her in her home in the Crypts. She claims that she is the creator of the Crypt Plains, the game's world, and that the rival gods Dendygar and the Chaos God are looking to destroy it. She says that she needs the 5 Goddess Relics in order to squash her enemies, and the player is left to track them down. Collecting the 5 Goddess Relics and then speaking to Goddess Moronia will initiate the Moronia Ending.

There are a few additional quests aside from the one Moronia gives you. As hinted in the museum, you can collect 3 God Tears and bring them to the Hellzone to summon the Chaos God, thus "engulf[ing] the world into flames, flesh and death". This is an alternative main quest and will result in the Chaos Ending.

Throughout several locations there are certain holes which, when moused over, change the cursor to a Piss icon. They are Piss Holes and award a Gold Bug after they've been filled, which takes 50 Piss. Only 10 Gold Bugs exist in the game: 8 of which are found in Piss Holes, 1 sold at the Curiosity Shop vendor in Pilgrime Village for 10 Gold, and 1 found by pissing on the Piss Maniac in Pilgrime Village (taking 50 piss). They can be found in the following locations:
 * 1 in Your Front Lawn
 * 1 in Little Prairie
 * 1 in Forest Maze
 * 2 in Tunnels
 * 2 in Crypt
 * 3 in Pilgrime Village (1 Piss Hole, 1 from Curiosity Shop, 1 from Piss Maniac)

There is also a short quest involving a VHS tape, which can be bought from a witch that spawns on certain days in the Little Prairie. Giving the unsigned tape to Rob Leyak awards you with 100 Gold. Additionally, you can get the tape signed by the Horrible Screaming Murderer and then bring it to Leyak, which will grant you the keys to his room along with 100 Gold.



^[Artist's rendering of the fair Goddess Moronia]

P.O.R.P., a sentient computer network, will open the doors to her room in the Tunnels after a certain day and allow the player to speak with her. She will ask you to place computers over the heads of Skeletal Pilgrimes and, once you've placed enough of them, will reward you by "upgrading" your body into a cyborg one. This dramatically increases your movement speed, so it's a very handy upgrade to get early on when you have lots of running to do, but the Tunnels will be forever changed by P.O.R.P.'s influence.

If you complete the Moronia Ending by collecting all 5 Relics, the game will say: "you've accomplished quite a lot of quests and made everyone happy, have you done anything of this? Probably not, but you've probably done nothing at all too."